Deputy ushers armed with buttons

From IMDB, via The Consumerist, via Steve:

Regal Theaters, the nation’s largest theater chain, has begun testing devices in 25 of its locations that allow patrons to summon ushers if audience members use cell phones or become unruly. Regal Chief Executive Michael Campbell told the Reuters Media Summit in New York Wednesday that a second button will notify management of faulty projection, a third about uncomfortable room temperature, and a fourth about any other problem. Campbell said that ordinarily customers won’t say anything such problems while the film is running. “They just will complain on their way out or, in the worst case scenario, they don’t come back.” He said that he expects the device to be available nationwide next year and that it will be given to “mature” audience members, who will receive free popcorn for their efforts.

1. Ick. 2. Finally. 3. Sure. 4. Unknown.

Here we have another example of companies giving technology to you, their customer, for your convenience, so they can get by with hiring a smaller staff. Back in the day, theaters had extra ushers that simply went from theater to theater to make sure that everything is okay. Guide people to their seats. Guilt people to keep quiet.

For a more common example, consider ATMs. Automated Teller Machines, a wonderful phrase taken straight from the Engineering Thesaurus. Now, you almost never have to enter a bank anymore. Banks use to have spots for six or seven tellers. Now, probably three or four. You get to do most of the work for them and pay $1.50 for the privilege. Their technology plus your effort equals less staff (is that “fewer staff”?). Of course technology has reduced staffing in endless industries through various innovations in automation, but sometimes, like here, the work shifts from staff to customer for better or worse.

Now ushers are being replaced by buttons. Imagine a “mature audience member” earning popcorn with the power to police the crowd. Will they maintain a responsible demeanor? Will they push push push at the first whisper from their silent button of anonymity? Will they push the wrong button and raise the thermostat instead? It’s a scary prospect.

On the flipside, I love the idea of a “fix the projection!” button. Not long ago we sat in a theater while a string dangled from the top of the film for a good ten minutes before a fuzzy shadowed pencil arrived to try to poke at the string. For another five minutes.

I really wanted a Damn It! button right then and there.